One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
