I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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