the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
that is very illegal...i love you.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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