tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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