Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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