look no pants
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
