So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
