There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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