Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
