Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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