you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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