She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
