If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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