All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
