i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
