She is in my trunk
I haven't been this sober since birth.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
