Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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