i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
