Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
