that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Fuck appropriateness.
honey bunches of taint.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
