I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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