so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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