I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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