i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
