I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
