broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
