Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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