some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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