I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
