I faked an abortion last night.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
