After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
