he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
