I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
