Say something about gay babies.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
There was a lot of him and a little penis
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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