me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
