Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
so much tequila, so little girl.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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