Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
