Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
