is your mom at the bar?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
So vagazzling was a success
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
