fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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