I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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