What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
