Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
