Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize