Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My dick has a subreddit
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
