sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
