I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
