I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
