This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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