just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
